So I started my work week with lil surprise. Emphasis on little. So I open the door to our ICU floor, to be welcomed by alarms, beeping, more beeping, and hello’s. Dayshift nurse already trying to give me report as I walk to the breakroom to put my stuff down. Put my stuff away, throw on some gloss, smooth my scrubs, and grab a paper for report. Two pt”s, blah blah blah, one intubated, one not, boo I prefer then  sedated,  and intubated. So report is normal , nothing to be concerned about, go flip one pt, then my other pt is in the bathroom, so I tell family members, all 4 of them that I will be back. dayshift nurse leaves. My night has started.

Now my lil surprise, I walk into my patients room and he is in bed, mom and dad on the far side, girlfriend at bedside, brother by bathroom, and patient has his penis out for all to see. Now being a nurse, I have seen thousands of penis’s  but I’m like really? just going to have it out like its a normal thing? His mom and dad, brother, and girlfriend at bed side don’t notice? So I’m thinking to myself, well maybe he is unaware, so I’m just going to play along like I don’t see it either, which was very easy to do. Hahaha true story. So I proceed to write my name on the board, hi my name is yesika, I’m going to be your nurse tonight, blah blah blah, I turn around and face him, when he LITERALLY GRABS HIS PENIS AND MOVES IT, well it was a grower not a show’er so it really didn’t move. So now I know this is intentional. I’m like oh god…. why me. So no one in the room is  mentioning the lil baby elephant in the room, so I just ask him are you hot? Do you want me to turn the heat down? He says no, I’m fine. Ugh, I wanted to say please put your lil friend away, but I cant. Hcap scores and all, so I just look around and the family and girlfriend still don’t say anything. I give up and excuse myself, but not before making family aware that there is a two visitor rule, and one after nine, so pick who stays and goes.  So mom, dad, brother leave girlfriend stays. I’m like yes! thinking to myself, they for sure said something to him, I mean what normal family would just be ok with that, keep in mind this is a man in his mid twenties, this is not normal, but then again this is vegas. So I’m charting and the nurse bell comes on and it is him, walk into the room covers on the floor, all of them, he is laying down, lil man is still out! Jesus, why me? Girlfriend at bedside, and she says he needs help getting comfortable. I am resisting the urge to name other things he needs help with so I bite my tongue, and say ok, I will help reposition you in bed, let me go grab my coworker so and so, I said a female name. He says great, lil pevert. So I go and grab our ekg guy,  who I am aware doesn’t do that type of patient care, but he is big  male, about a little over six feet tall, and wears scrubs, so he looks like a nurse, hehehe. Tell him whats going on and he agrees to play along, we walk into the room and the patient  IMMEDIATELY covers himself and then has a quick change of heart and says, oh you know what, I’m fine, may I have some new covers. I say sure, I look at my ekg guy and say, I will be right back, so he stays in the room, I go and grab the warm covers, because I’m just so nice, and I come back into the room and give his girlfriend the covers, and ask do you need anything else, he says no, I tell him, ok, if you change your mind me or so and so (ekg guy) will come as soon as we can. Lil guy never came back out the rest of the night.

My other patient, well, hmm ok .. so patient is intubated and annoying boyfriend at bedside. which is funny because I had literally just got of the phone with the husband, yes husband , who informs me that if so an so ( patients boyfriend) is too much of a nuisance to make him leave because he doesn’t want him there anyways. I am slightly confused, but mind my business and say ok will you be in tonight to sign some procedure paperwork? He say no, but if boyfriend leaves, he will come. Sigh… family dynamics…I never get involved. but whatever. So I ask for phone consent because pt is scheduled for a something in the am, then being nosey I ask if that is ok, I can call next of kin or parents if they are in a delicate situation like divorce or something and he feels it would be best to get consent from family…he says no, no need,  I love my wife, and I spoke with the doctor, although she may be there longer, we decided this is the best chance for her. Well ok then. got a second nurse. signed consent, and stuck it into my whatever file in my brain. So boyfriend is an idiot. he ask me for water for patient explained the whole, pt is not allowed to drink or eat, blah blah blah. he asks for mouth swabs, I give him 2. next thing I know beep beep beep , alarm alarm alarm, run to the room he has the pt wide awake, shoving swabs down her throat, and patient is just freaking out. I tell him to stop, step aware, suction about half a cup of water and secretions from her mouth and throat, and inform him to never do that again. he said that she TOLD him she was thirsty. keep in mind she has a tube down her throat, and  is on enough pain and sedation medicine to put 12 rhinos to sleep, so I didn’t believe him. I just said, well next time she ‘says’ anything to call me. he then proceeds to grab her arm, rub her chest and say, are you ok, are you ok, after I had calmed her down and she went back to sleep. I’m like omg, what part of please leave her alone can you not understand? I didn’t say that but, I politely made him aware to not do that. so all night he kept calling me into the room saying I think she needs me, or I think she is in pain, or I think she wants water. it was never ending. The patient was fine, stable, and I had to walk in and tell him to not touch, shake, rub , bother pt, PLEASE! all night. I was going to make him leave but then he started crying, and as much as I love seeing men cry, I felt bad for him, pt was awake enough to grasp her boyfriends hand, so I just let him stay, and kept a closer eye on patient because even though he was an idiot, I honestly think he meant well.